This is one of those days when I look back at how I was a few years ago and wonder how I made it this far. A few years ago I was not going out in public much. I went for the few things that I needed to do. And that was about it. Grocery shopping, appointments, things that the children needed me to do, those kind of things.
Sometimes I felt like it was all I could do to not seem emotionally needy. Or exude that huge need for companionship, that I think, drives people away from me. That is how it felt to me anyway. I understand from others that I was not that bad. I think it was just the need to be around people and at the same time being terrified of being around people that created that feeling of driving people away.
I realized that I needed to have a safe place.A place that I could go and be, and no one would bother me and I would feel safe.
That brings me to the point in this story to the library. For the past five years it has been a place of refuge. They have comfy chairs and amazing books. They don’t make you whisper and are very friendly. There are libraries that I have been in that are not such nurturing places but those are not the norm. My favorite story about libraries happened at my local library. I was watching a video my mother had made for me of an Agatha Christie story. The only problem was that the last thirty minutes were missing. That of course means the ending. There I was with no way to find out who did it. So I called the library to see if they had the book. And the conversation went something like this:
Me: “Do you have a copy of “A Body in The Library” by Agatha Christie?”
Librarian: “I’m not sure let me check.” Then talking loudly to another librarian,”Do we have a body in the library?”
At this point the librarian paused and realizing what she had just asked started to laugh. “I mean the book, A Body in The Library?”
It is things like this that make the library a safe place for me. Which is why it is one of my safest places to go. Because in the world there are a lot of safe places and a lot of places that are not as safe feeling for me. But in getting over the fear of being around people, which I have done pretty well, finding a safe public places is important. Being with people is a good thing. For introverts like me in small doses is best. But being with people is good. It is amazing what a hug from someone who cares about you can do for your day. And that doesn’t happen very often when you are hiding at home.