Resolutions

New Years and resolutions go hand in hand. Resolution and guilt also go hand in hand. The number of people I know who make and then keep New Year’s resolutions could be counted on one hand. I personally try very hard to avoid making specific resolutions. I prefer making general resolutions. These types of resolutions are a little more user friendly.

The resolution that I plan to make, and keep, is a resolution to engage in more self care. I am trying to take better care of myself. Not just in terms of the exercise and eatting right, which I need to do anyway, but caring for myself as a whole person. Not being as critical of mistakes. Allowing myself to make mistakes and not feel like the world is about to collapse. Mistakes can be seen as a safety issue. Since making a mistake can bring attention to you. And being invisible was my life’s dream. Therefore I will allow myself to make mistakes and not feel ashamed by them.

Self care also means taking time for myself. Whether it is the time that I need to meditate or the time that I need for a good book. Just giving myself the time to experience life. And feel life. Feel the wind and the rain. Feel the energy that moves around me. Tapping into that energy and letting course through me.

Self care this year means relationships. Allowing myself to fully enjoy my relationships. This means not allowing my fear and anxiety to create ways for me to continue to stay home and be a hermit. I am going to out and be with the people I love. Go on walks and spend time with my family and my friends.

It also means creating a safe and sacred place within my home. Over time I can carve out a place that I can be that allows me the quite and peace that I need to recharge my inner battery.

None of these things can be done in a moment or a day. And none of them creates a vacuum by taking something out of my life and leaving a whole that gnaws at me until I fill it again. Caring for myself and allowing myself the permission to be fallible (I am completely fallible it is just that I nag myself when I do fail). These are things that I can do. They do not require a gym membership or creating a black hole in my cupboards where I store the comfort food.

This year I will allow myself the joy of caring for myself and hopefully learning to love myself. 

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