I am not broken

I have come to realize over the years that I will probably always have the issues that I carry with  me now. I will probably always get very anxious and have panic attacks. The level of their severity is something that I have come to be able to change on my own. And that there are a few other things that I will probably have to work on overcoming or to make manageable to be happy.

And happy in life is the goal. The goal is not to fix me. Or to make me “normal.” The goal is for me to have a happy life. A life that is filled with passion and light and joy. And like all lives there will be times that I am not happy. That I struggle with the things around me. That the burdens that I carry become to heavy. But, the goal is that in all of this I can find the joy that I know is there for me.

This also means that everyone else is also looking to be happy. I have found that it is very hard to happy when I am struggling to meet the expectations of someone else.This means basically just accepting me at the place I am . That progress is great but it is not the job of any therapist to fix me. I am fixed. I am just not “normal.” I just want to find the path and guidance to that path is what I have asked of those around me. Not to fix me.

A friend of mine has spent quite a bit of time learning and writing about people with schizophrenia. What I have learned is that people do not have to be fixed. That people hear voices for a reason. And that finding out how to help them does mean fixing it so they don’t hear voices but that their lives are functional and have happiness. I don’t want to be fixed either. I am happy just as I am.

Yes, I have ups and downs. Yes, sometimes it is hard for me to do some things. But I find a way around my fears. I find away around my depression. And I am not broken.

addendum: Not everyone heals the same. And everyone is entitled to the healing way of their choice. Some use medication and others do not. Any way that brings healing to someone is a good thing.

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4 thoughts on “I am not broken

  1. I could relate to some of this.Personally I think happiness is a very short lived state of mind.I aim for contentment.Contentment is a nice , warm ,comforting place,superior to happiness,only my opinion.

    • Everyone’s opinion is valid. And contentment is a wonderful place. Thank you for sharing that. I think I use happiness as a general term to cover the various degrees of joy, contentment and other positive feelings. I agree that contentment is a warm feeling. It is one of my favorite places to be as well.

  2. I completely agree with this. Best to find a way of accepting your depression and learning to manage it rather than continually fighting it. That’s what I’m trying to do with my anxiety at the moment. Good luck xx

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