Looking in the Mirror

Looking in a mirror shows me what other people see when they look at me. That helps when I am trying to make sure that I look my best and that I have nothing on my face. But when I hold a mirror to who I think I am and also at what I have accomplished I can only see my perspective.

I can only see what I think I see. For example: I led a group today at my internship. I thought that I did a fair job. Not the best I could have done. (actually I thought that I really did horrible) But a fair job. My supervisor on the other hand thought that I did well and that I kept things moving and pretty much on target, which was hard to do. And there is the problem of the mirror.

How I think I am doing and how others think I am doing are two different things sometimes. I tend to think of myself as barely making it. Of not doing the best. And yet others see the way I am doing things without my blinders. They tell me that I am doing well and that I am really improving. That also goes for when I am faking it. Generally that one works the other way. I think people think I am doing well and they generally notice that things are going up in flames.

Part of the failure to see how well I am actually doing something is the negative talk I listen to in my head. The talk that says,”You can’t do this, They hated it, why are you still trying?” This self trash talk (which I battle with daily) covers the mirror that we see ourselves with in such a film that everything is out of focus. Predominantly our own self worth.

Therefor I am going to frame my day as a success. And keep moving. And event though I do not actually think that I am the person that others see ma as I am going to keep trying to polish my mirror and try to listen a little less closely to the self trash talk that I hear.

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