Bees

I love bees. I love to watch them as them move from one flower to the next. I am not afraid of bees because unlike wasps they have no desire to mess with you. Or so that has been my experience. But the one type of bee that I despise is the type that take up residence in my head.

These are not real bees. These bees are the feeling I get when I have totally overstimulated my brain. This happens when I have tried to do way too many things in one day or at one time. The only way that I have found to ease this buzzing in my brain is to find a quiet space and try to empty out my brain.

I do this in a mindfulness type of way. I sit quietly and try to actually pick through the things that the bees represent. Today for example I have spent way to much time reading articles on a very interesting topic. But I should have stopped at least three articles ago. Now I sit back close my eyes and let the information flow through and sometimes out of my brain.

If I don’t do this a switch in my brain goes off and I become frantic. Which only intensifies the need to release the feeling. At this point only a quiet room with no stimulation helps.

I did not even know that what I was feeling was over stimulation until a few years ago. All my life I just thought I was going crazy. Then one day I had an “AHA” moment. I realized that I was putting to much into my brain at one time. It is one of the reasons that I do not do well in crowds. I am easily over stimulated.

Meditation has been a god send to me for this purpose. The things that I am learning about quieting my mind has helped me more times than I can count. I am not an avid meditator. I practice when needed to bring peace to my mind when the bees begin to buzz. And then instead of a cacophony of buzzing my mind can go back to a gentle hum. Ready to be overstimulated all over again.

Imaginary Worlds

Sometimes when I have a lot on my mind I talk to myself. If I am alone I will talk out loud to myself. Sometimes I think better when I hear they problem spoken out loud. Like those moments when you start to explain a problem to a friend only to figure out the answer half way through the explanation. And when I have something that requires me to bounce a lot of ideas around, I talk to Oprah. Actually I pretend to be interviewed. This way I can say the question or problem and then answer it. Just writing this makes me think I have truly lost it. But it works.

Once I engage my imagination I can figure out and understand most of the problems I am working on. And there is no way I look any stranger talking to myself as I drive down the road than the guy belting out a song in the next car. Besides, I am being way more productive.

While I was growing up my imagination kept me sane. When I was scared or nervous I could pretend to be someone who was brave and fought off monsters. Or the character from one of my favorite shows. I can not tell you how many times the Green Hornet and Cato came to my rescue ( this was the cool show with Bruce Lee as Cato). I remember hiding from a particularly scary person behind the couch thinking what would Captain Kirk do? You get the idea.

But now I pretend with my children. Not as much anymore as I used to when the older ones were young. But I think it is time. I have not had a lovely imaginary tea part in forever. Or gone for a walk to find the illusive pink T-Rex. I have been very fortunate to have children that like to pretend.Yes, I think a magic tea party is in order for tomorrow. Perhaps it will have to be fancy dress, you never can tell. And I know that I will feel much more relaxed after a nice cup of imaginary tea.

On becoming a cat

I have been on a mini vacation for the past few days. I had the opportunity to stay in a beautiful cabin by myself. I promised myself that I would bring no work with me.  I would only bring things that would help me relax. And i did.

It was hard. I had my computer with me and my e-reader. I brought my idea of comfort food, since there was a full kitchen. And my comfy clothes. I spent time relaxing. There were a couple of times that I caught myself from doing things that were even remotely non relaxing. But I held fast. And I began to relax.

Here is the thing. I don’t relax. It is very difficult for me to let my body relax. For years my body has been in a constant state of preparedness. Prepared to do battle and to defend itself at a moments notice. Relaxing is a thing that very rarely happens. For instance I am sitting with my youngest watching a very calm movie and yet when I thought about my body I realized that I was completely tensed. All my muscles were tensed and ready to spring. They are almost always like that. Even when I sleep. If isometric movement could make someone really buff I would be. I wake up with all my muscles tight, I stretch to get them to release. So relaxing is a BIG thing,

I decided that the  best way to go about this was to learn from the relaxation masters. My cats. They sit in the sun, warm by the fire, eat and sleep. So that is what I did. I sat in the little sunlight that was there. I took naps and ate. I also went online and did fun things, like fill up my pintrest page and look at what everyone else was doing. I did not read the news articles and I did not do anything that would not add to the relaxation.  And it worked. Somewhat. I have my doubts as to whether there will come a day that I will be at complete relaxation but this was close. Even my shoulder which is so tensed from stress it has been pulling my arm out of socket, eased.

In the morning I go back to my life. A slightly more relaxed person. I have found that I need to create the place to relax. And to do so without the guilt that I should be doing something productive. It is time to take my relaxation seriously. It is time to stand down from all the things that kept me ready to fight. Because those things do not exist anymore. There is no good reason for me to be battle ready at all times.

So, tomorrow when I start back into my life I will do so with a little more peace and the knowledge that I can in fact relax and that i do not need to fight those monsters anymore. I will learn to be a master of peace and relaxation. I will learn to be a cat.